Trudy Rowland donated her kidney to her husband Alistair when he developed kidney failure.
Hi. I'm Trudy Rowland. I'm 47 years old,and have been married for 21 years. Alistair and I met in 1984 and married in 1988. We have two wonderful daughters Chantelle 19 and Natasha 17 who we both absolutely adore. We are very proud parents and love them to bits! I work as a PA for a Construction company based in Kent. Outside of work I love spending time with my family. I enjoy doing outdoor activities with them, sight seeing and visiting historical places, walking in the countryside and gardening. We love discovering new places of interest and travel as much as we're able to. I am fairly creative and enjoy pottering around with Interior design. I enjoy reading, when I can find the time. I love a good film, especially English costume dramas.
Alistair's illnessWhen I first met Alistair in 1984, he’d been visiting a Kidney Specialist in Johannesburg on an annual basis to check that this kidney function was okay. I don’t think we were too worried about it in the early days, as more often than not, his results were positive and he was given a thumbs up. I do recall that he suffered from high blood pressure and was given Diovan to control this; other than this is was a very fit and healthy young man. I also recall that he’d told me about his late Dad and the circumstances surrounding his kidney problems and this hereditary disease, PKD. I must admit at the time, I was unaware that any children we would have together may be affected by PKD and was not overly concerned.
Worsening healthI think my real concern started a few years ago, when Alistair would tell me the results of his kidney tests following his annual and later his 6 monthly hospital visits. We realised then that his kidney function was deteriorating. I recall, in about November of 2005, just before we took a holiday back to South Africa that we were sent a letter from Guys and St Thomas’ Hospital inviting us to attend Education Sessions on Chronic Renal Failure in early January 2006.
The Sessions were very informative, yet informal and welcoming and I felt that I could ask questions and discover more about Alistair’s future. The sessions were held monthly covering peritoneal dialysis, haemo dialysis and then finally the kidney transplant and this included donation. It was at this session that I was made aware of the transplant procedure and I came to the realisation that Alistair could be given a kidney from anyone, as long as the blood type and tissue type was a correct match and that obviously the donor would need to be healthy and ultimately pass various extensive medical tests.
I remember how ill Alistair was, leading up to and during these
sessions not just physically but also emotionally. I understood why he
felt this way, that his whole world, the way he knew it was about to
change. In a way he was too afraid to accept and comprehend the
enormity of the situation. His emotions changed continuously
throughout each day and from day to day. I struggled to keep his
spirits up and had to continuously encourage him to be positive. It
was a struggle for both of us, right from the very beginning, coming to
terms with the inevitable news. His depression, his anger and his
strange behaviour was not easy to live with. It put a real strain on
our relationship and our marriage. Looking back, the emotional side of
this situation was far more difficult to deal with, than the actual
operation itself.
Living donationIt was at this point that I realised that I could help him, as a living donor. We were told that if he could receive a kidney from a live donor before he started having dialysis it had the best chance of success. This option came as quite a surprise. We had never before considered the possibility of kidney transplantation and certainly never knew about the possibility of an unrelated donation and transplant from me, his wife.
Looking back I can only ever give praise to the Hospital for highlighting the facts to us. The Education Sessions were so valuable! Without them I would never have considered donating to Alistair.
Unfortunately, we both knew that none of Alistair’s siblings would be able to donate a kidney to him as they had all been diagnosed with PKD.
The operation
CompatibilityOnce we’d completed our Education Sessions, I was told that if I wished to consider donating my kidney to Alistair that I was to let them know, which I did. I realised that there was a long road ahead and that I would need to undergone extensive tests to check compatibility. I had concerns of my own, would I get the time off work to do these tests, how soon would we know whether I was compatible etc. I never considered the possibility of defeat. I remained positive, as inwardly I was desperate to help Alistair in the only way I knew I could, by donating my kidney to him. I was very confident in the information I got from the medical staff, that I would not be able to undergo the operation unless I was medically fit to do so. All I needed was for each result to come through positive. Each time we went to Guys for our various tests, I can honestly say that I didn’t think negatively or positively, I just wanted to get through to the next stage.
I remember so clearly on one occasion, when we were being tested for tissue type compatibility, how Alistair scoffed at the idea of us even being there and how he felt we were wasting our time as there was no way that I could ever be a match to him, as we were not blood related. But you know, I believe that God had other plans for us. I have been blessed with good health and was willing to help Alistair. Each test I had done came through positive and we got ever closer to operation.
I was very concerned that there was a possibility that both my girls may one day also need a transplant, if they were diagnosed with PKD. They have not yet been tested. I prayed about my situation and realised that although I only had the one kidney to give and yet three possible recipients, I was not able to choose between them or ‘wait and see’ whether one or both of the girls needed it, in the future. I was reminded of the story of Alistair’s father and what he had gone through and how medical science had advanced since then. I realised that Alistair needed my kidney right away and that I would leave the future in God’s hands and to the advancement of medical science.
Finally, we were told that I was able to donate my kidney to Alistair. I met with my Surgeon who advised me of the procedure and asked if I had any questions, I was concerned about the where the scar would be as I’d previously had 2 emergency caesareans. He said that I would have a hand assisted nephrectomy, which would result in two small incisions on my lower left abdomen, giving access for the camera and keyhole surgery tool, and a slightly larger scar in my lower abdomen, which is from where the kidney would be removed.
During all the tests and hospital visits, we discussed the pre-operation arrangements with our daughters Chantelle 17 and Natasha 15 at the time. I felt strongly that they should both remain in as normal a routine as possible. We decided that they would attend school on the day of the operation so that their attention would be diverted elsewhere and they would not sit around worrying about us. I spoke to the Head of Year who was most sympathetic and helpful and asked them to be supportive and comforting to the girls, which they were. We also asked if they could have the day off school, the date following the operation to visit us together in the afternoon.
Supportive friendsAlthough most of our family are not living in the UK, we are blessed with a wonderful Church family, who were so incredibly supportive and helpful to us and the girls. All of our meals were cooked and delivered to our home, from the time we left for the Hospital until a few weeks after our return home. The girls were wonderfully looked after and cared for by our friends. We had so much food coming in that we eventually had to say thank you, but please stop supplying.
I'd do it againI feel very privileged in a way, to have been given the opportunity to help Alistair. I know that he is grateful to me for giving him a kidney. He thanks me often. It has been a difficult, yet a very rewarding experience and I have learnt so much through it all. Remembering how sick he was before the transplant makes me really grateful that I was able to help him, in giving him a gift of life. I have no regrets and would do it again!
If I could persuade just one more person to consider giving such a wonderful, precious gift to someone they love or someone they know who is struggling with ill health in failing kidneys, it would make what was already an amazing experience all the more worthwhile!
