Vicky Vanes died in 2005 leaving her husband and two young boys. Her husband writes about being asked about organ donation.
I suppose it all started with a conversation with Vicky years before she passed away about being a donor we had agreed it would be the right thing to do. If I'd have known then of the far reaching effects of that conversation. I lost her suddenly in October 2005 the cause being postoperative problems on a not too serious operation there was no medical negligence it was just something that happened life unfortunately could be like this. So there I was in a medical side ward, head in hands inconsolable the doctors had told me after two days on life support there was nothing more that could be done.
As I sat there with a million questions running through my head what do I do how do I tell the children and the shear weight and pain of the loss leaving me in total shock I new that at some point someone would be coming to see me in reference to Vicky being a donor. So when a lady came to see me I was sort of half expecting it. The lady in question was called Jacqueline. She calmly introduced herself and then continued to do what I can only imagine to be one of the hardest but most extremely rewarding jobs that their can be the gift of giving life. After the introduction she expressed her sincere sympathy's at my loss I explained that myself and my wife had discussed being donors but was unsure if she had signed a card but unbeknown to me Vicky had registered online taking that heart wrenching decision out of my hands with this information on hand it made it easier to carry out her wishes.
Jacqueline was extremely compassionate in what I could only describe as extremely emotional situation. She explained the process and went through the expected paper work and questions in an extreme warm and professional manner. Although she had a job to do I new that she was generally concerned about me and my families wellbeing. She went through the details of what would happen and ensured that I was okay with everything every step of the way. One of the things I wanted was to make sure Amanda had a picture of me and our little boys with her which she ensured happened. My lasting memories of leaving my precious Vicky were in the hands of Jacqueline. In my mind Jacqueline was now looking after her. Then I started to piece my life together.
Jacqueline was in contact with me quite frequently not for anything specific but just to see how I was doing. The thing that sticks in my mind more then anything is she told me she was with her all the time and when the donation side was finished she dressed her combed her hair and made sure she was as beautiful as she was in life, that meant so much to me. She came around to see me at a time when the shock had worn off and the reality was hitting home and was of immense support. I wanted to pass letters on to the donors to explain to them that it was Vicky's wishes to be a donor and she wanted to be a donor and would have been happy to know that her death could have helped others.
Jacqueline did this for me. Then the day came when I had a call from Jacqueline to explain that she was in receipt of some letters from the donor recipients and wanted to know if I wanted to receive them or if I wanted her to keep hold of them. I chose the former, the letters upset me of course they would but at the beginning of something like this there are not many positives apart from my children but the letters brought me great heart and I drew a lot of strength knowing a 9 month old baby benefited a special needs teacher to name some of them. I had to do memory boxes for the boys as they were only 1 and 3 at the time and the first thing in the boxes were these wonderful letters from the donor recipients explaining what a wonderful thing their mom had done. With out Jacqueline we would not have had these. I will be forever grateful for what Jacqueline did for me and my family over a period of time that changed my life forever. I'm not religious but if your looking for answers there has to be something in being a donor and without Jacqueline the tragedy would not only have been the death of my wife. I can only imagine it takes a special sort of person to do her job but as I said before, her job helps to give the most amazing gift that anyone can ever give, life. And if any one ever doubts this feel free to read a letter from my boy's memory boxes and you can understand what it means.
